As you were.

Macabre

My Boy Builds Coffins is one of my favorite Florence + the Machine songs.  This is not a sweet song.  It is blunt, and poignant.

We don't want it to be true.  It's not how it was meant to be.

But we have to accept it.  Someday, we each get one.  And accepting that can either stand me up or shut me down.

I choose to let it motivate me to live full.

So, in honor of this weekend, whether you're celebrating Halloween, or going all out Harvest-Party-Style in lieu, I thought I'd share these lyrics.

..........
My boy builds coffins with hammers and nails
He doesn't build ships, he has no use for sails
He doesn't make tables, dressers or chairs
He can't carve a whistle cause he just doesn't care

My boy builds coffins for the rich and the poor
Kings and queens them all knocked on his door
Beggars and liars, gypsies and thieves
They all come to him 'cause he's so eager to please

My boy builds coffins he makes them all day
But it's not just for work and it isn't for play
He's made one for himself
One for me too
One of these days he'll make one for you

My boy builds coffins for better or worse
Some say its a blessing, some say its a curse
He fits them together in sunshine or rain
Each one is unique, no two are the same

My boy builds coffins and I think it's a shame
That when each one's been made, he can't see it again
He crafts everyone with love and with care
Then its thrown in the ground, it just isn't fair

My boy builds coffins he makes them all day
But it's not just for work and it isn't for play
He's made one for himself
One for me too


One of these days he'll make one for you

Prodigal.

Love never reasons, but profusely gives;

it gives like a thoughtless prodigal it's all,

and then trembles lest it has done too little.

                           -Hannah More

Table Wear

This is our table

And if you look closely, you'll see

that it is always, always sticky and

All around, it is worn down, worn off, worn

in love as we laugh and fight and sing like Johnny Appleseed and talk and connect and get

nourished here three times a day, together.



I don't take it for granted that we live all together, that we eat well, that we are all united here so often.  These are grateful marks.

Blessed.

I found this earlier this week, here.

May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.


May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people.


May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really CAN make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.

And the blessing of God the Supreme Majesty and our Creator,
Jesus Christ the Incarnate Word who is our brother and Saviour,
and the Holy Spirit, our Advocate and Guide,
be with you and remain with you, this day and forevermore.

AMEN

Cameras for Zambia

I'm going to Zambia in December.  I'm going to be meeting, hanging out with, and teaching tons of kids-  over 500 are already registered for the camp where I'll be working.  When I heard about this, I instantly thought, "If they need a photographer, I am there."  In that moment, the movie Born Into Brothels flashed through my mind, and I knew, if they needed me, I needed to go.  There was no long discerning process, just Jim and I knowing if the doors kept opening I would stay available and go.  So far, every door has opened wide.  And I'm thrilled to finally have my feet on African soil-  I've thought, prayed, and cried for these very children for years, and until now, going has always been on my heart- but not in my plans.  And now I'm part of a project focused on giving love, education, and hope, while introducing children to the Arts- and leaving them with the tools to grow.  I'm humbled, encouraged, and affirmed to go- and tears are streaming down my face as I type, I am so excited to love these children, and share the journey with you.

I'll be teaching photography, and we would love to bring and leave behind as many quality digital cameras as possible for the camp to use in the future.  We're also collecting musical instruments, but that's not my bag- You can Click Here for more info.

Watch this...



Would you help us do that?

You have an incredible opportunity to get directly connected to orphans in Africa- a continent broken down by AIDS, trafficking, poverty and slavery.  When you contribute to this project, you'll see photographs and stories directly from our experience- and see these children up close, with faces and names.  You'll see your gifts blessing them from thousands of miles away.  As you pray, give, and donate to this project, the distance closes in.  When I return, I'll do all I can to share the country, the children, and the camp with you, so it can be as real and tangible as possible.  This is an awesome opportunity for you to team up with your friends, your church, and your family to directly bless these children, and see exactly where your gifts have gone, and what they've done.

Here are some ways you can get involved: 

1. Get educated about Zambia, tell others, and pray.

2. Give a camera or an instrument.  Giving a child an opportunity to see and document their world through a lens, and discover photographic creativity, can change a life forever.  We are accepting gently used or new digital cameras.  They must be in excellent working order, with a rechargeable battery pack (with charger included) and a memory card no smaller than 2 GB.  A carrying case is preferred, but not required. 

Your camera may be dropped off or sent to:

The Ransom Church
5209 W 41st St. Suite 101
Sioux Falls, SD 57106

 3. Donate.

If you'd like to donate toward the purchase of cameras for the camp, send your tax deductible donation to The Ransom Church, with Cameras for Zambia written in the Memo line. 

For those who have asked, if you would like to shoulder some of the burden of my own personal trip costs, send your tax deductible donation to The Ransom Church, with Megan Koch Zambia in the Memo line.

Checks may be sent to The Ransom at the above address.


Are you a photographer?  I'll be packing very light for this trip, and will not have access to online or hard drive storage of the thousands of files I will collect.  If you have surplus Compact Flash cards I could borrow for this trip, that would rock my world.  If you have extra cards to spare at the end of December, email me. They will of course be returned, at my expense, safe and sound.

All donations must be received by November 30.

Of course, if you have any questions shoot me an email.  I am so thrilled to have this opportunity, and it would be an honor to partner in it with you.

Feel free to right click and save the image above to display on your own blog or facebook page, along with a link to this post.  Pass it on.

Let's bring some love to Africa, Amen?

Good.

Jim, I'm always grateful for you- but sometimes, I feel an extra measure of thanks as I consider how good God was to make me yours.  You're not everything I want to make me happy- You are everything I need to make me holy.  And in an act of grace and mercy beyond anything I can deserve, you're also 1,000 other things that are incredible- and life with you is good.  I love you.

Because it is Fall.

I've linked to this recipe before, but, let me just say it again, these are great, basic, good pumpkin muffins.  Ignore baking your own pumpkin and replace it with a regular sized can of pure pumpkin from the store. 

Or use a larger sized can and double the recipe, taking out just a smidge of the flour.

And you should make them. 

Throw some nuts or cranberries in there if you dare. 

Either way, you should make them. 

Because it is fall.

Crackle.

Let me just start by saying, you're not allowed to knock it.  I'm sure whatever required quota of disheartening commentary any loser who buys this dvd is supposed to receive has already been met thanks to my loving husband.

But.

I have wanted one of these DVDs since last year- and a friend actually sent me one- but it broke in transit- nothing but love USPS, I know you've got a lot on your mind.  And so I immediately Amazon wish listed another one.  And got it this fall.

I love it.

It reminds me a bit of something the Jetsons or the McFly Family would have had in lieu of a real fire, and that makes me smile- but seriously I love it.  Especially when I'm reading.  There's lots of settings to choose from, and I love the crackling sound.  Seriously, combine it with this candle, and you're set for many a cold winter's night. No clean up.  No worries.

Oh, and remember-  No knocking.  If you don't understand, it's OK.

Not Perfect...But Perfectly Us

I've spent every weekend this Fall photographing adorable, sweet families all decked out in adorable clothes, at great locations and at the perfect times of day- all to document the season, and to gear up for THE CHRISTMAS PICTURE that's on the minds of so many American families this time of year- or, on December 15, however you roll.  You'll get it done.  No worries. 

One would assume that I would do this for myself "all the time".  Not so much.  I don't like to force it. 

This year, our Christmas picture might look a little closer to this- less than perfect, but perfectly us.  Just a product of a long, early morning nature walk. 

Because that's how we roll.

Swaddling Clothes

Each one of my children was swaddled with expertise and love literally hundreds of times as an infant. 

Grace was the first.

Each one had two or three swaddling blankets- and from these, for each of our four children one slowly emerged as the One.  The favorite.

The one that, when swaddling days were over, was set apart as the one, favorite, irreplaceable comforter.  The blanket.  The. Blanket.

And we still have four Blankets, or, what's left of them- tattered with endless hours of love and rest and tears and imagination.

But Grace was the first.

And this is about her Blanket. 

It was, at one time, pink.

It is now, not. 

And it has been stretched to 3 times it's original size.

At age two, the blanket became a buddy through play time, and a soother for night. 

It was slung around her neck when arms were full, it was useful for swaddling "babies", or willing dogs.

Then at age three, things got more creative. 

It became long "hair", or a bridal veil, or a long princess dress.

And at age 7, Grace is still finding countless ways to wear her most treasured possession and faithful accessory- like in these snapshots from August of this year.

All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them.-Isak Dineson

Losing the intimate details of my children's youth is a sweet sorrow.  But my heart bears it as I carefully store and archive our photographs, and when I feel especially warm, or bittersweet, I write.  And that keeps the moment in a way, when time won't stop for me. 
Grace,


I can bear to lose your tiny, newborn shape, and your days as a cautious toddler, and your "princess phase" and these last days of childhood innocence and unbroken creativity as the Tween Years approach too quickly.  I can bear to lose that awkward smile you make when you're trying to look older, and I can bear to lose your "7 year old teeth" and the way you pronounce big words with pride and authority, and the way you eat a sandwich because I know I can't keep them from fleeing, but I can store them up in my heart where they're meant to be. 
I've tried to savor the sweet moments, or the rough moments, before they pass- so they can do their work and not slip away.  When something gets to me, I let it get to me.  And let that compel me to be a better Mom today than I was yesterday- and can't we hope I'll be even better tomorrow?


I hope I'm doing well.

Love,

Mom

We can't answer how without first answering why.

An interview with Randall Wallace was featured on the Relevant podcast this week.  Wallace is one of the most influential writers in America.  He is an incredible story teller.  You've heard his stories.  Yes you have.  Many of them.

Writers need to listen to what he has to say.  And, as Don Miller points out in this book- the same elements that make up a great story make a great life.  And there is a reason for that.  And so really, we all need to listen.

There are several incredible moments in the interview.  Click here to listen- if you don't want to listen to the whole podcast, scroll down the page to find the interview alone.  Here's an excerpt,

I believe that each of us gets confronted with the question of how we are going to live our lives.  We learn that the question of why we are going to live our lives is a question of how we're going to live our lives.

He goes on to say we need to confront the question of why in any action we take.  We can't answer the how we'll best live our lives until we firmly know the why behind it.


Click over and listen.

Africa

I renewed my passport last week.

I haven't used it since the year 2000.

Back when I was a younger, college-aged version of myself. 

But back to my point-  I'm going to Zambia in December with a nonprofit called Poetice.

I'll be working as a photojournalist, photographing every part of the experience, and teaching photography at a camp for more than 500 Zambian children.  We also hope to bring digital cameras (and musical instruments) with us to leave behind.  I'll post more on that later.

This opportunity is an intersection of everything I'm passionate about, and I'm thrilled to go.  If you know Jim and I personally, you know we care about orphans.  Our children authentically care about children they've never met who live without parents, or who are forced to work with little or no pay, or who are trafficked.  It makes perfect sense to them that I should be there (though Grace is very afraid about lions on my behalf).  I am so excited to bring back stories, and photographs, and experiences to share with them, to allow Africa to be more tangible to them.

Poetice works to raise awareness of social justice issues, as well as provides teaching, inspiration, and love for Zambian orphans in many ways- while introducing them to the arts.

If you're a creative person, you understand.  The arts are not the extras, the optional things on the fringes of life that we dabble in with our spare time.

Painting, sculpting, singing, playing instruments, photography, poetry- these are the things that can literally draw us up out of our pits. 

Especially in pain, there is a catharsis in creating and expressing ourselves.  I know having the ability to create is an inexplicable blessing to my life.  Creating literally keeps me sane.  And so I'm thrilled to be a part of something that introduces these children to outlets of creativity and generously gives them an opportunity they would not otherwise have to embrace music and art.

This is last-minute, and unexpected- and I am so thrilled to have this chance to go.  As things fall into place, I know all the details will be cared for.  And so with no hesitation, I'm slowly gathering up the things I need to take care of- like renewing my passport.  Check. 

Thoughts on Creating

I think I'm at my most authentic when I'm writing something down.  The most myself.  The most honest.  I suppose my blog is a sampling of this- all an exercise of free writing my life, moments I stop to record and keep here.

Sometimes I write little, sometimes much.  Sometimes I surprise myself.  Often I surprise myself.

I liked where this went when I wrote it last week- it came from an honest place, a place that I've been having a near-daily conversation with for a long time now.

So often, artists of the "Christian genre"- if we can call it that for all intents and purposes- as no art can be redeemed or lost, but can only communicate expressions of the artist- these "Christian" artists are kept so tightly under a gray web of expectation, prerequisite,  and boundary.  So many boxes are set up for them- what is appropriate subject, audience, medium.  Overt and easy on the eye (and ear) is the rule- easy to mass-market, clearly understood by everyone, with a clear beginning, middle and end to the message- answers to every question, every phrase resolved.  Communicate clearly, offend no one, if possible.  Especially don't ruffle up the Christians.  If possible.

This market of "Christian" art, product, music, entertainment is very successful.  It gets success, perhaps, because Christians are boxed in their choices.  From what is available, and under the label "Christian", they choose their favorites.  And buy generously to support them.  And so fame comes to the big fish in the small pond, because Christians start with good intentions (and these things, most of the time, are very, very good), and somewhere, after years, in the middle, they get lost in image building, image bearing, image maintaining, in a world of black and white choices, where white is good, sure, to be held high- it's safe from the things we should avoid- or it gives the illusion of safety at least.

But their ears, their eyes, hearts, minds, are slickly, slowly being boxed- kept within the boundaries a Machine has set- as the box closes in, defining the limits of creativity in all it's myriad forms for the Christian, while the individual lets go of his or her own God-given ability to see and sense and learn and discern for themselves with Him.

Slowly, the Christian is no longer thinking, creating, inspired authentically- not fully, not with the full flex and freedom they were created to enjoy with God.  Now they are working from inside the box, the climate regulated for them.  The lines blurred and indistinguishable between what they do in the Name of Christ, and what they do in the name of Christians.  And isn't that a line we all need to examine from time to time?

Outsiders become hostiles- something to turn away from in the name of purity.  But honestly, this can easily become one more form of corruption.

God-given creativity is stifled, to a mere shadow of it's purpose and ability.

Yes, even very good motivations can indeed become their own trap.

 As redeemed, full, whole, living extensions of the one first, uncreated Creator, the one who makes all things new- The one who created color, sound, light, passion, art, nature, beauty, tears, infinity-  and who not only allows but encourages us to create along with Him- as these privileged people, fully connected to the ultimate artist- shouldn't we be more free, more inventive, more open to wild, new, authentic creation than anyone else?

But so often, we settle for clean, pre-made boxes- where we feel quite safe.

Sublime and Ridiculous

Something in Autumn wakes up introspection. 
In me, anyway. 
Something about the clear change in season- this sweet middle ground of absolute beauty, before the long icy season. 
Something about the leaves raging a bit in the face of death. 
Something about the animals knowing instinctively what to do to be ready.  And they ready themselves. 
This is the glorious, bittersweet place between summer and winter when we are reminded again that nothing gold can stay .
Because we do always need reminding. 
And our hearts are never quite ready for it.

But it's from that place that I've journaled quite a bit lately.  Not purposed for sharing, but, I think I may share some.  There is something in making a community with your words that gives wholeness to writing them.

And I've also just lived, and taken snapshots of my children, and tried to not take myself too seriously, in the wake of extreme busyness this month.


And so, if my posts in the near future seem a mix of sublime and ridiculous, this is why.

From Minnesota, Eh?

Live near Maple Grove?  Advanced Amateur DSLR Workshop- Saturday, November 13, 11am-3pm. $150*.  Contact me for more info via FullLifePhoto.com .  4 more participants, and the price drops to $120. 

*Deposits must be postmarked by October 31.

More Passionate, More Responsible

 ...you were jarred into turning things around.  You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him.  The result was all gain, no loss.

Distress that drives us to God does that.  It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.

And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God?  You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible.  Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart.

                                                                    -Second Corinthians 7:9-11, The Message

I've been reading through Second Corinthians over and over in the last month.  I'm probably going to go back to the beginning again when I'm through.  I just don't feel done with it yet.  Every pass, I see something differently, or something new.

And this passage- it's just true.

Idyllic

An idyllic Autumn afternoon in the country. 
Everything right about the season. 
Shared together. 
All this, and later a freshly baked apple pie.  Perfect.

Love Tells the Story

Anyone want to catch Donald Miller, Derek Webb, Sandra McCracken and the Robbie Seay Band with me in Maple Grove on 11.14?

I'd love to get this planned out asap.

What I've Been Reading...

I realize I haven't posted about what I've been reading for a while- but that's because I have spent the last couple of months working, planning for the school year, and starting the school year. 

But- I'm getting back to normal.

I realize I enter nerd territory by sharing this- but I picked up this untouched book at a thrift store a few weeks ago, and I've been reading through it.  It's format is essentially a 13 week college literature and writing course, in one book- complete with several writing assignment options with every section.  I've really been enjoying it- travelling through themes, lots of free writing. 

I should mention that I did enjoy my college education- but there is something so much more enjoyable about literature and writing when you're motivated solely by free will, and not by obligation.  I'm taking my time getting through it in the afternoons, with a pot of french pressed coffee and a journal at my side.

It's an excellent book.

I've also read

Drops Like Stars, by Rob Bell.

And I made an official reading list to get me through the fall, as follows,

Animals in Translation, by Temple Grandin
Art & Fear, by David Bayles and Ted Orland
Permission to Speak Freely, by Anne Jackson
East of Eden, by John Steinbeck

Click here to see other books I've read this year, and feel free to offer suggestions in the comment section.

Read on.



Grateful 2010: September Edition

Calendars. A Good Summer. Friendship. Coolness. Salad. Windows. Pancakes. Blankets. Hudson. Extra Time. Remembering. Priorities. Beginnings. Hope. Crackers. Authenticity. Freedom. Work. Openness. Jackets. Fiction. Breaking Clouds. Compromise. Women. Teaching. Sensitivity. Flip Flops. Rap. Laughter. Warmth.

Blueberry

I make a mean blueberry scone- but these muffins we tried this week are some of the best we've ever had.  I thought I'd share the recipe with you.  Head on over here and watch this episode of America's Test Kitchen for more.  And that French Omelet recipe is easy and really good too.

Don't have buttermilk on hand?  Add a Tablespoon of lemon juice for each cup of milk and let it stand 5 minutes before using. 

Don't have a lemon for zest in the sugar topping?  Mix in a teaspoon of lemon juice instead. 

Don't have lemon juice?  Buy some in a big jug.  It's super-useful.

This sounds extreme, but is oh. so. true.  Hilarious.  Because it's true.  And the robots were genius.