Friday, January 14, 2011

An Open Door.

I started to get educated about poverty, orphans, modern day slavery, and human trafficking in 2004.

I had one baby girl, and was expecting another.  Having children caused me to step outside of myself like nothing else ever could.  And I saw how fiercely I loved them.  I wanted only good for them, for them to grow and thrive. I wanted to protect their purity, and teach them to fight evil with love that overcomes.

I saw that if they were stolen from me, I could never stop fighting for them.

And I saw that for all I feel for them, God lives a greater love for each one of us- and my sweet children are not more important than any other child.

So where did that leave me?

The problems of the world, here at home and elsewhere, are overwhelming.  My mother heart just ached at the thought of orphans, widows, stolen innocence.  To ignore it is a sin.  But what do we do with all this awareness?  That's another post altogether.  But what I want to say is- I was dying to act on their behalf.  To seek justice and live aware of my actions and how they may help or hurt people thousands of miles away.

These people were very close to my heart for a long time.  And though it would have been easier to ignore them and enjoy my very good life, I worked to press into it with God.

And over the years, He showed us ways we can live justly as a family, as citizens of the world.  He also slowly just let me sit in the enormity of the problems of the world, feeling quite helpless to stop it, clinging to the hope that with God all things are possible, and the truth that He is ever-present with the neglected and exploited.

And over time, I slowly let go of my romantic notions of saving the world.  I let go of the possibility that I could do any good in my own strength.  I let go of thinking I could sweep in and rescue anyone.

I was dying to do something for years.  And over time, I was able to let go of my ideas that I could do anything that would last on my own.

But something else grew in me instead.  Love. 

I got to the point that I promised God even if He guaranteed me that absolutely no good would come out of me going to minister to orphans- that nothing would change- I still wanted to go, the compelling of my heart to just love them was so great.

And then a door opened.  And I got to go.

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