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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Glory Days

This was not my drink. Alas, it belonged to another.

Last week while talking with friends over a very long and leisurely lunch followed by a very long and leisurely dessert on a beautiful day, I found myself talking about my Glory Days.

Or, rather, the fact that I don't have any. Wait, I do have a point. Keep reading, or just scroll down.

My 10 year high school reunion is this weekend. I'm not sure if I'll say more than that. Ahem.

But in mentioning it, and the feelings about it that, remember, I'm not mentioning here, I explained a little revelation I've had just this past year.

While I was in high school, I thought I was having a fantastic time- woes and lost-ness, and angst and unrequited love, and all. I really did think it was great.

Looking back with my hind's-sighted glasses, I was absolutely miserable. And I was such a complete dork, and so very insecure, and unsure of who I was. And really, it was terrible! Terrible! I can't believe I made it through!

High School was not the Glory Days.

Great as I thought it was, I was of course thrilled to go to college, to move out, move on.

I thought college was fantastic. Not without it's bumps and bruises, and life lessons and 1000 new experiences and all that comes with no more apron strings and the chance to begin again outside of the bubble that was the previous 18 years. Oh, what a time. So excellent.

Oh my WORD, people, I made so many mistakes- small, and very very large! Who was that girl?! I'm ashamed, or at least embarrassed at 75% of the things I was and did and said in just 4 small years. But what big years they were. I sure was thoroughly enjoying it!

Time of my life. At the time.

College was a phenomenal time of foundation-setting for my life. I realized this was God's world, not mine, the Man of My Dreams was dropped in my lap by that same God, and I committed to really, really go and do anything He gave me.

But, oh, no, no. College was not the Glory Days. Precious time. But, Yikes.

I look back on the day we saddled up our horses for the big adventure of marriage, and so soon after, parenthood. I was very aware of the weight and goodness of all we were embracing, and all that it meant, and all the blessedness that it was.

But Oh, peeps, I just cringe at some of the things I thought, said, and did in those first few years or so.

Shoot, I've evolved and evolved and evolved since then, and By George, I cringe at things I did last week.

And here's that point, er, those points, I wanted to meander to:

1. I seem to thoroughly embrace and suck the marrow out of life. Wherever I am. Where I am always seems so very good, better than ever. Like I said, it's always the time of my life. At the time.

2. I seem to be unable to stop making mistakes, hurting people I love and people I don't, and I have a clear talent for saying the most terrible or just ridiculous things I will most certainly regret later.

3. I'm getting somewhere every step and idiotic moment of the way. Believe it or not, I seem to learn something every once in a while. And so far, I haven't stopped learning. Because I'm already correcting yesterday's test and seeing my mistakes.

4. I'm incredibly grateful that I don't live in the rear view mirror, always reminiscing on the day that is past. I see that who I was (however terrible) has moved and grown and bloomed into who I am. And that the old me wasn't all bad, but oh, how I am glad to be here where I am. I'll be thankful for the past, but thankful it's done it's good purpose and that I'm moving on.

No matter how squeamish I am about a reunion that reminds me of all the things I was so happy to leave behind- OK, I went ahead and said how I feel about going- I'll embrace the chance to reconnect with people and memories and places that in one way or another, have something to do with my roots, and who He's made me and is making me to be.

And we'll party like it's 1999, or whatever.

The One who began a good work in me isn't finished yet, and I'll grab on to this good moment He's given me now- and look to the Glory Days I've got coming.

10 comments:

Tammy said...

Beautifully written. I love what you said about not living in the rear view mirror! So very true.

Anne Elizabeth said...

EXCELLENT post!

kelly said...

What a lovely sentiment. I feel very much the same way.

Becky said...

Well said as my ten year reunion is in September.

Tarrah said...

I think about this quite often. I'll be 30 next year and I am actually excited about it. I look back and remember the things I've said and done and just cringe but am so grateful that I've grown. I have learned so much and grown so much in my 20's and I am just so excited to see how much more I'm going to grow in my 30's :)

Beautiful post Megan!

Farm Fresh Jessica said...

Thank God for new beginnings! Every day.

Farm Fresh Jessica said...

oh, and, will you be posting some high school pics? :-)

anne said...

You see, this is why I love you.
:)
YOU...are one wise woman and I'm so thankful that we have met!
GREAT post!


PS- July is approaching (1 year since we met in real life!) We MUST do it again soon!

Lisa said...

lovely post megan. really - you summed it all up!

Anonymous said...

i am so right there with you.