The Children's Shelter of Cebu (in the Philippines) is very dear to our hearts.   Tonight Jim got an email with a link to this video- a sibling group of NINE has been waiting at the shelter for placement, but wanted very much to stay together- and now they can.  I remember seeing these children online, long ago, reading their story- and now to see them placed, it's just a huge Christmas present to witness it (see the Fox News clip below).  I am so thrilled for them.  Jim is thrilled too- I express it with tears down my face, and he's just happy.  We're different that way- but we're both so excited to see this happen!

Needy.

Africa is at the front of my mind much of the day now.  It's also present in many of my conversations.  People think you're really interesting if you're going to Africa, so, I'm getting asked about it all the time. 

I sincerely hope, though, that all these conversations don't just end with all my friends and acquaintances and the sweet strangers I'm meeting as I prepare to leave thinking I'm participating in the global-travel-version of bungee jumping, but instead, I hope that Africa gets under their skin and starts to fill them with discomfort, and compassion that compels them too.  I've only experienced the tip of the compassion ice berg, I know.  But if my going is a catalyst for many more people to become aware, to the point that they can't ignore the global issues of sickness, poverty, trafficking, and slavery, then my small trip to Africa is accomplishing some of it's purpose.

And a lot of people are, in essence, letting me know what a good person I am.  Which bothers me immensely.  The more I care about the problems and people I almost never naturally encounter in my "good" life, the more I know I have not been good.  I have ignored and shoved away, I've kept great storehouses for my own family and let others starve.  I don't have clean answers, but I know I don't want to ignore this anymore.  One opportunity at a time I will stop living as if I can stay comfortable with a clean and clear heart while people starve in every way a human can.  I'm not a good person.  I'm just me.  And I trust a God who has good plans for restoration and life. 

Also, people keep asking me if I'll bring a baby back with me.  This is a big one.  People who know us know we are quite prepared to adopt.  We feel it's still at least 2 years away, and are waiting on that.  If God dropped an opportunity on our door step, we would scoop it up in a heart beat.  But we continue to pray and let our hearts get intertwined with orphans around the world as we read the blogs of those who care for them daily, as we learn their names and give towards their needs, and now, as I travel to Zambia.

This may or may not offend some of you, but at the tip of my words, sometimes, when I'm talking about Africa and the question of adoption comes up, I just want to say,  adoption isn't the answer.  Not ultimately.  The answer to the epic problem of poverty, brokenness and sickness in Africa is not that wealthy Westerners should come and adopt as many of these orphans as they can and bring them back to a safe, beautiful, "normal" home in America.

The answer needs to come in the form of healing and freedom from the very heart of Africa itself (or any other place in the world that is broken- and that includes the US). 

Believe me, my mother-heart would give as many orphans a home as we could possibly fit- but ultimately, it's not my job to "rescue" children and bring them to a "better" life.

My God-given role is to not ignore suffering, to take my individual responsibility, which is unique to me, and to our family, and to do what I can as God wills to make moves toward wholeness and healing for the broken.

We should do what we can to give Africa a hand up, not a hand out.  We should work justice out one act at a time, empowering individuals to move forward, to see a bigger vision than the one life had previously laid out before them.

I should not assume my job is to sweep in and rescue, and give answers. 

In many, many ways, giving my heart over to know and care about orphans has rescued me, and opened me up to wisdom and clarity I was only ready for once I'd surrendered my own ideas and answers to God, and just let him break me up in the clarity and humanity of seeing another beautiful life in want and need of all the basic things I absolutely take for granted, and have a responsibility to distribute fairly.  I have too much, they have too little- but in other ways they have so much, and I have so little.  I can't give without getting.  I'm not a savior.  I feel quite needy myself.

So I'm not going to Africa to bring answers and hand outs.  I'm going because this is my time to go.  I assume God has a role for me there.  I assume much of that has to do with changing my own heart, and the effects of that may benefit the world in some way.  I have no idea, but, I'm going.

And I am going to give children an experience.  For the short time I'm there, I hope they have an incredible time.  I hope they know down deep that people that live a million miles away love them, care about them, and want to invest in them, because we believe they have mighty hearts, clear voices and strong minds that will change the world.  I want them to be empowered, to have a great awareness of who they are and what they were created for.  I hope they have fun, and discover ways to create and see the world that impact them for life.

If pregnancy has taught me anything,

it's that a thing that simultaneously fills me with joy, excitement, tears and nausea is worth doing with my whole heart, and will no doubt be one of the best decisions of my life.


Marriage, mothering, photography, living by faith. These are the things that are constantly pulling me to one more edge, causing me to take heart and call up courage once again, and again, and again, and to take one little death-defying leap at a time. Every jump affirms to me that I will never get over my fear of heights, but each time it gets a little easier to believe that I will land safe and sound.


And even when I feel, or know, I've failed, I am so thrilled that I was willing to give it a go.


And the victories really are worth the work. And the nausea.

What's the BIG Deal?

Well, really, it's more just, What's Big?

Since I posted this, a few people were wondering how many kids makes a "big" family to us.

Well, like I said, 4 is pretty tame.

But let's just be clear, THIS is a big family. They got all us beat and a bag of chips, and boy, they got some joy, so I think there might be something to that.

So... all things being relative, I don't think I could give a number, but here are some random thoughts since you asked so sweet...

When we have enough kids that we have to own a conversion van...then we'll be "big".

We already feel "big", in that we had 4 kids in 4 years, so everyone is small. That means we're always all together, all the time, no one is ever away much unless we're all away at something, and everyone is always interacting constantly, and everyone has a lot of needs. But, along with that, I have to say, that it just got easier, with each new Koch. No, really, it did. And I have absolutely savored that phase of life. Now that Grace and Pate are getting older and they will be a part of more things without us, I grieve the loss of it, though I knew it was coming and I'm excited for them to do more things independently of the whole.

The fact that this is still 100% true, and we never go anywhere without the phenomenon following us, means I can feel like a bit of a cultural anomoly. You would not believe how much attention (almost always well-intentioned even if occaisionally tactless) we receieve on any given day out.

I already feel ready to add to the mix, and we're more than eager to do so whenever God opens the door- so apparently, we might just get bigger, and every one of us is thrilled at the possibility.

So, no, we're not big, but yes, sometimes we're big. But for sure, we think we just might get bigger...

I can see that monster of a van coming for me now...

We'll be here this weekend. We've got high expectations and bursting hearts to find out even more about what we can do for the ones who can't speak for themselves.

More on Adoption

After my post yesterday, I wanted to share this video with you- it's about 15 minutes long, but hey, you've got all weekend to watch it, right? If you want to know more about how you can practically make an impact in the lives of children in your own state and around the world, this is a good starting point.



If you're single, there's a way you can help. If you're a child, or an elderly person, there's a way you can help. There are so many tangible ways you can help the children who have no voice of their own.

As for our family, would we be willing:

To have less disposable income,
To require our children to save a large portion of the money they make at their high school jobs in order to save for college because we will not be able to fully pay their tuition for them,
To have our children share a room as they grow up,
To drive a conversion van,
To eat out little,
To make our own Christmas gifts,
To hand down clothes from one child to another and another and another,
To discipline and train and raise more children than anyone else on our block,

So that one less child will:

Grow up without stability,
Grow without knowing the firm embrace of someone who won't stop loving them, no matter what they do,
Grow in their first five years, hardly ever leaving the crib they are confined to in a crowded orphanage,
Grow to be sold into a child sex trafficking ring by the time they are 7,
Grow up without ever belonging,

Yes. We'd be willing.

More?

We get asked all the time if we think #4 is the final addition to our family.

We hope to add at least one, maybe 2, maybe even more to our family through adoption.

There are many things we can do to come alongside the orphan, and we hope and believe one day we will have the joy and privilege of welcoming one or more into our family.

When Jim and I think of motherless, fatherless children, our hearts just bleed. It breaks us wide open. And we have such a wonderful time, in our loving home, loving each other, belonging together, and we can so easily imagine welcoming more kids to come and live and love with us, to be one of us.

So, I suppose, our answer is no- Hudson will hopefully be a big brother someday, maybe in several years, maybe soon. Our family's arms are open. We're waiting for the possibility of more of us just like some couples wait to conceive a child, I suppose. Something we, with our 4 in 4 years, have not yet done!